So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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