My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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