just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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