He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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