I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up under a house in Key West
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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