A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
