Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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