shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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