Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
