I hate your face
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
