We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
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Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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