It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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