it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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