There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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