no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
