I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
