that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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