Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize