I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
