Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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