you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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