he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Even my vagina gasped.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
