sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
