Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
