Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
