I just made out with a guy for $7.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
