My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
