I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
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I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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