Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
