I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's Friday. Sex?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
