That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
