you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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