why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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