do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dicks are not precious.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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