My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
