I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
