I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
