she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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