im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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