you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
