Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
