i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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