Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize