Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize