THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
