AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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