I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
