i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
