It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
