god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
