just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
