I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
