From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
