..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
