If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
