Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
