He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
