she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
