I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
