Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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