And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
someone owes me an orgasm
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
