My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
