That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
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the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
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You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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