your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
