I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
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It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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