I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
