He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
please come you make the beer taste better
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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