Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
