Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
