he wants to bone in the snuggie
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
