Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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