I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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