I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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