my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
