You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
there is glitter all over my balls
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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