I like my sex mixed with concussions.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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